Real Housewives of NJ: Episode 1

Real Housewives of New Jersey (RHONJ)

I’m smelling more drama than fertilizer from the Garden State

If you are not familiar with the Real Housewives franchise on the Bravo network then you are either really lucky or missing out. Depends on who you talk to. The newest version looks like it is going to be completely different from the rest. While I’m sure the usual staples will still be there (i.e. excessive spending, cat fights), this location is already proving to push it to the next level. Something that this one has that the others don’t is that three of the housewives are related. Guaranteed drama right there. Which is the only reason why anyone really watches this show anyway. Also, there are allegations of former prostitution, mafia ties, and a preview of what looks to be one of the best fights in Real Housewives history. Furniture was being tossed about here people.

In true Real Housewives fashion the first episode is getting to know the housewives. We were introduced to Teresa, Jacqueline, Dina, Danielle, & Caroline. Dina and Caroline are sisters who are actually married to brothers. Something about that is just a little weird, but this is North Jersey we’re talking about here. No offense. Jacqueline is married to one of Dina and Caroline’s brothers. She is the only one not originally from NJ. Teresa seems to be friends with everyone while Danielle seems to be friends with just Teresa and Jacqueline. The first half of the show we meet the ladies and their families and get a little sense of how they are as people and what they do for a living. They all come off as the stereotypical Jersey girls. While family is the most important thing to them, they still find time for shopping, fighting, and making regular visits to the salon.

The second half of the first episode throws you into the drama. So it seems that Danielle has been having regular phone sex for TWO YEARS with some guy she met online, whose real name she doesn’t even know. That night they have made plans to finally meet in person. Jacqueline and Teresa try to talk her out of it, but apparently this phone sex was just too damn good that Danielle felt risking meeting a homicidal maniac was worth it. So of course being the best friends that they are, Teresa and Jacqueline follow her to spy on the date. Turns out the guy stands her up, she curses out his answering machine and the three girls toast to girlfriends who will never stand each other up. My eyes rolled.

While Danielle isn’t rubbing herself while on the phone she is also rubbing some of the other housewives the wrong way. Dina doesn’t like her very much. We know this because she didn’t invite Danielle for a little girl’s night out in NYC. Danielle kind of creepy stalks her by waiting outside of the salon that I guess everybody and their grandmother goes to and encounters Jacqueline who was invited. There is some production about I’m not even sure what (I couldn’t quite follow what they were going on about) and it comes out that on their first meeting Dina threatened to kick Danielle’s ass. It was also mentioned that rumors had been spread about Dina and how she use to prostitute or strip or something nefarious and we are lead to believe it must have been Danielle who started them. This must be the precursor for all of the awkward and heated interactions between Danielle and Dina.

Thus ends the first episode of the RHONJ. In the little preview of what happens in the next episode we see Danielle trying to be friendly with Dina and Dina likening it to a higher class version of the Silence of the Lambs flesh suit. You know I’m there because I’m always up for a good skinning. Till next time readers, it will be rubbing lotion on its skin because it was told to.

For full bios, pictures, blogs, and other tid-bits head to http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey/season-1.