It's time for the straight jacket!

"The Hills"
Tuesdays at 10 pm
MTV

Who loves a good train wreck? I do! I do! Thank goodness or I wouldn’t be able to sit through the final season of “The Hills.” Can you believe it? They are closing it out after only five seasons. I guess all good things must come to an end. Oh how they are ending though. As time has passed in “The Hills” we have seen friendships made and ripped apart in a matter of episodes, passing from one relationship to the next, pointless bickering, and the creation of (cue scary music: Dun dun duh) Speidi. That is possibly the single most irritating creation that will eventually bring down civilization as we know it.

So as this final season starts we are brought right back into it with the snarky bickering we love so much. It seems though that all of the usual pointless banter and silent prolonged gazes are a little less poignant this season. I feel that everything that will happen this season is going to be overshadowed by the horrible crushing transformations of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (Speidi). Before the season started it was revealed that Heidi had undergone 10 elective plastic surgeries at once. When all was said and done she came out looking like a different person. Only a trace of the original Heidi is left in her cold blank eyes. But I’ll get more into that later. Spencer also goes through; I guess you can only call it, a spiritual transformation. Or, as spiritual as Spencer will ever get.

I hope you all don’t mind that I’m not really going to address all of the rumors about Kristin’s supposed drug use and Stephanie and Lo being behind it. I won’t even get into the ridiculous relationship that is Audrina and Ryan Cabrera (P.S. sweetie, Ryan, what have you done to yourself? You use to be attractive). The biggest thing of all, and it can no longer be disregarded as them playing to the media for attention, is the soul crushing relationship between Heidi and Spencer. While it’s no secret that Spencer is controlling and wants to have Heidi all to himself, he seems to now be to trying to seclude the both of them from family and friends. He is so stuck in his own little world and he doesn’t care who he hurts along the way.

Spencer, this season, has morphed into a “spiritual,” crystal loving, guru shaman sort of guy. His oddly bushy flesh toned beard is no longer the creepiest thing about him. He constantly walks around with either hippie inspired shirts or grandpa-esque cardigans and covered practically from head to toe in different crystals. He claimed that he is “vibrationally tuned in” now because of them. I think the only things they are tuning him into are the permanent crazy eyes he’s been sporting and the unnecessary, hurtful flip outs. While if you have ever seen even just one episode of “The Hills” you can guess that Spencer doesn’t care for his sister Stephanie and doesn’t like Heidi’s whole family. Probably because they don’t like him and at any turn have tried to get Heidi away from him. Spencer use to be able to be in the same room with these people before. True, he would probably start a fight or storm off in a huff, but one thing was always certain. He would stick around long enough to give that smug little smirk of his and say something completely ridiculous that would make everyone groan. He has now evolved into some super monster that doesn’t have a soul or a heart or any other human feelings or emotions. The season is only two episodes in and Spencer has already reduced Stephanie to tears in a matter of seconds. And if the previews for the rest of this season are spot on, then it seems like everyone is going to be genuinely frightened by him.

When it comes to Heidi, I can’t help but feel bad for her now. It’s so obvious that this girl is suffering from such self-esteem issues that she thinks she has to change her entire appearance so she can look like Barbie. Yes that is who she wants to look like. That was confirmed in the first episode when she goes home to Colorado to show her family her new face. The show made a huge deal about the big reveal of her changed appearance. MTV created this aura of mystery around it even though it was unnecessary since we all have seen her new self on the cover of People magazine about a month ago. The whole part of the first episode where Heidi is home and having to deal with her family’s feelings about her change is heart breaking. It was really tough watching her mother come down on her for having become a whole new person that she doesn’t even recognize anymore. Her mother called her out on her changed outlook on life since moving to Los Angeles and ventured to wonder what Heidi would have been like if she hadn’t moved. While I don’t necessarily agree with how harsh her mother was, she made sense. Heidi, you are a completely different person than you were in the first season. That girl wouldn’t have cared and would have walked around the world with her same old face that God gave her. Somewhere down the road in these past almost 5 years she has gone off the deep end herself. She has lost control in her marriage to Spencer and has a huge disconnect with her family because of it. It makes sense that she would turn to something that she can control. Some girls will go to anorexia or bulimia or even cutting, to have something to control in their lives. Heidi took her minor dislikes for things about her body, that all of us have, and tried to fix them with plastic surgery. Unfortunately for Heidi, she doesn’t know that doing things to supplement the pain is only exacerbating the problem. The fixes and changes and a new “3.0” (as she put it) self will never make her feel 100% better. It will just move her on to the next thing she feels she can’t control and send her spiraling into another black hole.

Personally this relationship is kind of scary. I don’t know where this whole thing is going with Spencer. We are led to believe that everyone else on the show is frightened by his actions and are concerned for themselves and Heidi. The show makes it seem like the two may get a divorce. This doesn’t seem likely since they are currently still together. I think this may be the smartest thing Heidi could do and it may help her get back part of herself. Unfortunately for her, she can’t go back and reverse what she has had done to her body. But she can go and learn to be more comfortable in the skin she now has and become a better person.

I'm giving the first two episodes of the final season 3 1/2 frames. It hasn't reached it's crazy potential just quite yet.


Check out the extended trailer for the final season


So head on over the forum and discuss the beauty that is "The Hills." Do you hate it? Do you love it? Do you loathe that you love it? Tell me all about it.

Until next time kids, this has been Hava.